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This is my spin on the 8 of Cups. My darkness. My madness in this deck of mine. I tried to preserve the original card in this one too. Hope you like it. ;)
Beautiful card the color scheme is amazing. The skin tone even resembles skin. This is an awesome card. The black blood spatter brings this card together. Another amazing piece to add to your collection.
Awww, thank you all for the kind comments and all the support you've given me on this deck. It really does help to keep pushing on even when I get stumped on them from time to time. *hugs to you all*
16:41 Jul 21 2012 Times Read: 517
OMG, that friggin' cat! I can't believe her.
A few months ago this cat started coming into our backyard. She adorable and I'd totally let her inside but my roommates won't have it. She stays out. I feed her, give her water, pet her and she rewards me by bringing me gifts. Rats, Mice and even a sparrow the other day.
She's good at hunting too. It's crazy. I praise her when she brings me a bloody rat or mouse. It's horrible but hey...she's a cat. It's what they do for the people they love. So...
Last night I'm having a smoke in the dark. I see her haul ass towards the grass and she's howling with something in her mouth. I was about to wrap it up and go to bed too. I got my cell phone out to light up the darkness. I hold the phone out to what she's chewing on, expecting something really gross. I brace myself and take a look. She brought me...
A half eaten corndog on a stick! ROFLMAO!
KILL, AFTER KILL, AFTER KILLLLLLLLL and she brings me a CORNDOG?!
What the fuck?
I went to bad laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. My eyes were tearing up! lol.
Girl, you NEED to shut your damn mouth. You slam MY friend?! IT'S ALL LIES AND YOU KNOW IT!!! I WATCH THAT MAN CALL YOU AND YOU REFUSE TO ANSWER! You break his heart and guess what, your kid is gonna grow up to HATE YOU over this.
Yeah, he calls you to talk to his child almost everyday! YOU are the one who doesn't answer. YOU hold his child for ransom or money...or whatever the fuck else you can get out of him. He had sooooo much funds going out of his pocket. EXTRA funds he NEVER put 'on the books'. He just handed you 100 here and 100 there while you sat on your fat ass IGNORING your child...posting your sad ass stories on VR...and other social networks. Hey, guess what...NOBODY CARES!
YOU NEEDED TO GET A JOB YEARS AGO!
Your delusions that he was gonna come back to you were just priceless! You also cheated on him...eventhough you wouldnt shut the fuck up about how he cheated on you. Was he supposed to be your lap dog or your boyfriend? Bottom line here is...you just want him unhappy since he's done with you. The sad part here is...is...he WANTS to be in his child's life and he TRIES to be apart of his child's life....but the reality is....you're the one that isn't havin' it.
This horse shit is done. Cry your ass off and have all the rejects of VR cry with you. The one's with a brain KNOW how horrible little you are....and just so you know...
PLAYTIME IS OVER!!!
By the way...I know quite a few gals who would LOVE to even be able to call up their baby daddy. Women who haven't gotten a a CENT. Men who refuse to not be part of their kids lives....cuz...they just don't care about em'.
Your case is far different...and it's sad. It's sad for the dad in this case. I also feel for your guy's child. She's the ONLY one who's suffering here.
You need to count your blessings is what you need to do.
I'm half Jewish. This is why I can eat pork (I guess...lol). I never know how to cook it though. Pork kinda freaks me out.
This morning, I took a very small (very lean) pork loin and put it in my tiny little crock pot with some chopped onion, black pepper, salt and a bit of garlic. I added about 2 small cups of water (just enough to cover the meat about half way in the slow cooker)...a splash of original V8 juice. A very small splash of lemon juice and about 2 tablespoons of hickory BBQ sauce.
*shrugs*
I put it on low and walked away hoping I didn't ruin the cut of meat.
It's been cooking since 7am.
A few minutes ago...I opened the lid...took a tiny little taste of the meat...and...
OH MY GOD IT'S AMAZING!
I cannot even believe I made that happen. It melts in your mouth and the taste is perfect.
This hurts my feelings sobad. I hardly know how to express it without sounding like an idiot.
*heavy sigh*
A few days ago I had the very special honor of having a GREAT photographer take several pictures of me. I don't have a portfolio for a reason. That reason is...I am way too embarassed to show myself. I can't express how much a H A T E the camera. I like to be behind it. So...I dressed in one of my most beautiful black summer dresses. I was told that I looked BEAUTIFUL.
The bottom line is...I looked at the pictures and since they were HUGE in size...I went to re-size them. I had this wild idea that I would make a portfolio since I haven't had updated pictures in quite some time. I finally settled on a picture for my profile (under additonal pictures, of course). Just one. That is it. Even putting that one on the profile made me want to cry.
See...the problem is....
I used to be VERY HEAVY. It was out of control...really. It was messing with my health, I got made fun of on a DAILY basis and I could hardly walk to the corner market without feeling as if I was going to pass out, I was out of breath...and it was disgusting. It was MY personal turning point. One day...I decided that it was time to lose weight and NOTHING was going to stop me. Not just a couple pounds either. I wanted it all off or even most of it off. So...here I am...four years later and 167 pounds lighter. I personally feel that that's A LOT to lose.
I had no surgery to help me. I didn't get the gastric by-pass...didn't do the lap band (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that and I understand people need it to save their life). I just started eating less, eating right (most of the time lol. I have my days every now and then) and walking twice a day. At least 3-6 miles a day (depending on the heat)...even in triple digit weather. I was totally determinded...and still am to get the last bit off...especially with having R.A. and Lupus. It makes it very painful to do physical activities...BUT...I did.
So..
I look at these pictures...and although the photographer SWEARS up and down that I look amazing (even sexy), I cannot bring myself to post them. It hurts because I still see myself at my highest weight still. I still see that girl. Yes, I know I am so much smaller in clothes I had to buy (the others became WAY too big to wear) and I logically understand that I got a MAJOR ammount of weight off my body...but I STILL see that VERY FAT woman that people would make fun of...and yes...they even picked apart to the very core. Comments that made my soul hurt. So...I do not want that here. But I know I cannot control what others do.
It doesn't matter if you know me or not. Like me or not. It HURTS. I'm human with just as many feelings as the 'beautiful' people. I cringe at my reflection...PLUS...I think my features are the most goofiest features ever (I'm half jewish and scottish). I don't want to go through it again. I do not wanna be picked apart or made fun of. Lets face it...NOBODY does. I cried in front of the photographer after scanning through the new pics and I broke down saying:
"I still see that huge woman I used to be. I feel ugly! I look in the mirror and still see her. I don't want to be an ugly girl. It hurts me. It makes me so sad...but you did do a wonderful job and it's NOT your fault! Really...you did." The photographer was sad and still assured me that I looked amazing.
I'm very private with my pictures. I want to be more open and sharing. I just gotta get my guts together. It's real hard here because there are soooooo many beautiful women with beautiful pictures on their portfolios and avatars.
*another deep sigh*
I'm trying.
It's SO hard to not see that extremely heavy woman I used to be. I know that I have to find the self confidence to get passed this. I'm scared because of it. I just wanna enjoy the dramatic weight loss I achieved...but I can't help but see that super fat woman in the mirror and in the pictures.
I wonder if I'll ever get passed that.
I wonder if I will ever stop seeing that HEAVY woman I USED to be. I guess I really am a work in progress.
Even if I never see a new pic of you, I'd consider you a beautiful persom. Not just that, but an intelligent and funny one as well.
Sure - there are beautiful women here...and some, not so much. Some of the beautiful ones are kinda' bitchy and trouble-makers, while some of the less than beautiful - unattractive - are the sweetest people you'll ever meet.
Your challenge to yourself to lose all of that weight, develope healthy eating habits, and excercise while in pain...all an inspiration to me! I've improved my eating habits, and I walk a lot, but I still need to lose more weight myself...a good 50 lbs would be awesome!
You've done more than I've accomplished, that's for sure! (I guess I bitch about Big Momma so much because she does very little to nothing to help herself).
Now. Dry your sparkling amazing peepers and take each day at a time! And - go on and put a few pics in that awaiting portfolio of yours.
o.O *shakes you violently* I lub you no matter what ... chunky or skinny ... you are still have the same beautiful soul ...
I know you gave put in a lot of effort in losing the weight. Be proud of your achievement. Not many people can do that babe. You didnt take the easy way out (slimming pills). You did it the healthy and right way.
... I am very proud of you :D
Just remember ... you loss the weight not the personality. You are the same nice girl in a different form.
I lub you now ... still would have lubbed you with all the weight back then :D
You better quit hiding that sexy ass! I swear you are such a beautiful person inside and out, you should just post them and walk away for a bit and then come back to see all the comments of how gorgeous you are. Baby steps honey.. baby steps.
I find my words escaping me right now as I write this. You can't always go by what others say of you. You are beautiful. No matter what anyone says. You have to realize that the person you see in your mirror isn't what you are today. You have to tell yourself everyday. Feel it believe it and it will become you. You've lost a lot and it was painful all the way but you can honestly say you did it and you did it without the help of advertising ways. What you did was on your own. You mustard the willpower to lose what you wanted to and still aim for more. You will get there. Your willpower alone will get you through. When you manage what you have done. You can will yourself to seeing the person you are now. You should be damn proud of what you have accomplished and show it. You are beautiful. No matter what anyone says. You must believe it to become it.
You're a great friend and a beautiful person. All I can say is this. Anyone who knows you could never judge you and anyone who could judge you doesn't deserve to know you. =D
COMMENTS
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Isis101
23:46 Jul 30 2012
I see it...it's just like giving up and saying what the fuck...'I can't take anymore of this shit (and my head will explode)!' Another awesome card!
captainglobehead
01:22 Jul 31 2012
I like the card-in-a-card.
FeverDreams
01:26 Jul 31 2012
Woah ... that is very nice ... I love the shades of purple ... :D
And like what was said ... love the card-in-card thing ...
Nice work hun!
Fizbop
19:21 Jul 31 2012
Beautiful card the color scheme is amazing. The skin tone even resembles skin. This is an awesome card. The black blood spatter brings this card together. Another amazing piece to add to your collection.
DestroyingAngel
20:18 Jul 31 2012
Awww, thank you all for the kind comments and all the support you've given me on this deck. It really does help to keep pushing on even when I get stumped on them from time to time. *hugs to you all*